I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaack

Hello Imogene Rantson, my long-forgotten Internet mistress. Oh how I've missed you. I'll never leave again!

Unless i hit another unimaginably long absence of imagination. In which case, you're screwed. YOU ALL ARE!

First thing I'd like to get off my chest, I never really understood the whole cliché (which I admit I've used before) "communism works on paper, just not in practice!". If it doesn't work in practice, then it doesn't work on paper either. Unless you're writing lies.

Point 1:

If it's just a fancy way of saying "it's a theory" then it's a wrong theory. Like the (generally creationist) hydroplate "theory" that "theorizes" Noah's flood burst out from under the crust of the earth and shot out with such force that water flew off the earth and resulted in the craters on the moon and created every meteor in the universe. Aka, calling something a "theory" doesn't automatically make it rawrsome and infallible.

Point 2:

Its like saying "this blueprint for a plane works on this fancy-pantsy engineering paper" (I really want some of that paper...), but when you follow the blueprints and build the plane it turns out to be a giant, robotic bull frog or a sentient, wise-cracking George Foreman grill or.... uh... I dunno, a piece of IKEA furniture. And no one wants IKEA furniture. Well, not the same kind of people who read fancy-pantsy engineering blueprints and want to build planes anyway.

Wow. I'd almost forgotten about my tendency to ramble. Moving right along...

Speaking of ranting, I have a new job Imogene! (That's what I'm calling my blog from now on)
You'd really like it there. There's lots of sexy eReaders you could get nice and close to. Lots of letters, if you know what I mean ;)
I'd go for the Touch version. It's 1 inch bigger ;)
.... Now I'm just making jokes only I'll understand...
Oh, by the way Imogene, I work at Borders.
It's quite interesting, always fresh. But it can be slightly annoying when people just assume that I've read every book under the sun. Or when people ask "Do you have a book called.... Uh.... The... Um... The Something? I can't remember what it's called, but it starts with THE" or even worse, "I want a book, don't know what it's called, but it's about this guy who got a dog from this chick he met in Vietnam and she dies and the dog gets her soul and she can't talk to him but she still loves him and he gets with another girl so Vietnamese chick goes crazy and mauls the other womans children and plants evidence to distract the police/vet people and make them think the family dog did it....." etc
To which I reply "Sounds like you've already read the book about 5 times, why do you wanna buy it?" And by "reply" I mean "Think-of-a-witty-response-and-later-use-it-as-material-in-a-blog post". That just pisses me off. Or when I say "Hi, how are you?" And they just death stare me and keep walking, or even worse, just glance sideways at me and keep walking. You know what? I DON'T like my job, Imogene. I hate it! It hates me and I hate it!
I kid, I kid. Ily Borders. You make my soul sing.
Um... Where was I.....?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, in a very round-about way,

Fuck you Karl, you lying German bastard! YOU work on paper!